When Loved Ones Aren’t Changing With You

What do you do when you pick up a new lifestyle habit and your loved one(s) aren’t on board?

It’s a question that comes up SO often! Whether you are trying to eat healthier, expand your spiritual horizon, or explore the power of yoga, getting your loved ones on board can feel like an impossible task.

What if I told you your loved ones don’t have to be on board with what you are doing?

It’s true. If you feel a deep sense of commitment to your new habit, it is possible to carry on with or without the active support of your loved ones. Of course, in a perfect world all of our loved ones would be just as happy and excited as we are to explore these new horizons with us.

Well, keep holding that vision…and in the meantime, take a moment to explore the 3 types of relationship that can serve as a guidepost for navigating through the world of change while keeping your relationships healthy and supportive.

Not in a relationship? Now is the perfect time to get clear on the 3 types of relationship so you can make sure to build your next relationship on a solid foundation.

Type One: Active & Supportive

In this best case scenario, both people are mutually supportive of each other’s lifestyle, beliefs, and goals. This doesn’t mean both people must agree with each other on everything, but does imply that both people are living similar lifestyles and have a foundation of commonality to work from.

What it also means is that each person holds the other’s growth and happiness as a priority. Each person truly wants the best for the other. The bottom line is at the end of the day, minor arguments aside, you are both on the same page regarding major lifestyle choices.

Type Two: Neutral & Respectful

This is a dynamic that is very common in relationships where one person has an awakening of some sort and makes a conscious decision to change some aspect of their lifestyle (diet, beliefs, exercise routine, etc.), yet the other person in the relationship does not share in their experience and has no desire to make any kind of change.

While ideally it may be best to have both people on the same page, both desiring to change at the same time, life is not always that convenient. Often times one person desires to invest in their personal growth years after being together or even after marriage.

Let go of judgement that your way is better than their way.
That said, a Neutral & Respectful relationship CAN work if both people are willing to hold space for each other to live out their full expression, even if they don’t agree with it.

This kind of relationship requires a deep level of love and respect for each other, understanding that what may be best for you might not be best for them (and vice versa).

It requires letting go of judgement or any beliefs that your way is better than their way. If both people can hold this space, then a Neutral & Respectful relationship can be long-lasting and deeply meaningful.

Type Three: Restrictive & Undermining

In this third expression, couples are not only lacking alignment on major lifestyle choices (such as spirituality, diet, childrearing, etc.), but they are also in active opposition to their partner’s lifestyle choices. This means one person not only disagrees with the other’s choices, but they go out of their way to undermine the other’s desire to change and grow.

Undermining can be overt or subtle. One way to tell whether you are in a Restrictive & Undermining relationship is to get clear on how you feel in your body when you are in a situation or discussion on the topic of disagreement.

Do you feel expansion in your body? Like anything is possible? Or do you feel contraction? Limitation? A sense of feeling “trapped” or “stuck”? If the latter is true, then take some time to meditate on whether this feeling of contraction is self-imposed or if it is a bi-product of the relationship you are in.

In the long run, Restrictive and Undermining relationships are not healthy because they limit each other’s spiritual growth. This is why it’s important to recognize where your relationship is at and explore together whether there is space to evolve it.


Each person on this planet has a unique expression. Even within intimate relationships. Your loved one(s) have a different expression, a different mission, and a different purpose than you do. It’s important to honor this uniqueness in each other by holding space for each other to grow and evolve—even if it’s in different ways than you might feel is best.

At the end of the day, ask yourself if you are feeling connected to Spirit through your actions and lifestyle choices. If you are feeling alive and inspired, you know you are on the right track. If you aren’t, then be courageous enough to make a change.

You are responsible for your own growth. You can be an inspiration and change catalyst for others, but each person must cultivate their own desire for change within their own heart. Focus on deepening your own connection with Spirit. Others will be inspired by your connection, and from there…anything is possible.

twitter2Focus on deepening your own connection with Spirit. Others will be inspired by it and from there…anything is possible. @ShalvahOrah

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